Facing my fear Laonie Newton

Facing my fear…

So today I felt ready to do something I’ve not done for over 3 years! I weighed myself! Got back on the sad step as some call it. If you don’t know my back story your probably wondering why I don’t weigh myself, I’ve suffered bulimia since 2001, been recovered with a few episodes (as we call relapses in the eating disorder world) for about 3 years, getting out of the habit of weighing and measuring myself every morning really helped, but it’s a slow process! I’d got to scared to weigh myself, afraid of the result and if the numbers would send me back into that deep dark world!

I’ve been wondering for a while, but wasn’t ready but recently I’ve been really happy and proud of my body, I like what I see. I’m to the point where I know that ‘number’ won’t change that, but I did want to know my body fat %! As I find that’s more relevant, even with my clients, they like to know how much they’ve lost, but I’m looking at all the figures together to give me a better understanding of what’s going on, if they’ve gain muscle etc.

So treating myself as a client I got the scales out, got a progress card out so I could get all the info down. I wasn’t nervous or anxious, in the past I’d end up in tears and not do it! But I got my butt on the scales, and my initial guess of my weight was correct! More than I was when I was still ill, but I know I’m healthier and I’ve gained muscle, I’d like my body fat % to be a bit lower, but I’m still happy with what I see, do I want to lose my female curves? No! I’ve been there and it made me very unhealthy and very unhappy, if it goes down naturally while I’m training for events so be it, but I know after that it’ll balance back out again! But I’m happy and healthy, that is the most important thing, as long I’m fuelling my body correctly, training effectively and maintaining my energy levels I’m happy.

I also did a little experiment, after doing my blood pressure and getting 4 different results! I got back on the scales 10 mins later to see if it said the same, it didn’t, it made me heavier! I’d moved the scales in between, so to check I got on again! Yes it changed again! The equipment I use are reputable makes, I’m just saying don’t put to much emphasis on the numbers, what do they really mean! Yes they have a place, they are a great guide if someone’s under or over weight, good to keep check of your progress but taking all the figures into account, or if someone’s lost weight quickly without trying, they can help identify under lying illnesses.

But also ask yourself
Am I happy with what I see?

Which parts of myself do I love?

Have my clothes got tighter or loser?

Has my muscle tone and strength improved?

Do I have curves in all the right places?

If there’s a part I don’t like, how can I improve it safely? And remind yourself of all the bits you like!

Does my skin look healthy?

Do my eyes sparkle?

How is my diet? Am I getting all the right nutrients I need?

Am I getting enough sleep?

I personally think these questions are much more relevant than weight, if you are weighing yourself, do you know how that number breaks down, how much is muscle and how much is fat!

Will I weigh in again, yes maybe, but not regularly, definitely not everyday or even every week! But I do know I won’t be scared of it again.

Be happy and confident in yourself, in who you are, we are all different, embrace that.

Laonie X

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *